Winter continues to drag on, coldly oblivious to our cries for spring. Tomorrow is the first of April and still a solid layer of snow remains on the ground, the temperatures hover around freezing and the precipitation continues its relentless onslaught. We're due for another five to eight inches of snow tonight, paired with a nice side of freezing rain that is sure to create the most beautiful of sparkling winter landscapes to awaken to tomorrow.

I feel my composure slipping away the longer the dreary season goes. There isn't so much as a ray of sunshine to give us hope on the island and at this point, I'm pretty damn sure I'll spend half the summer watching it all melt. All I can say is I am damn glad I don't have to be here for another winter!

In the event of another snow day tomorrow, there is plenty I need to do and plenty I probably won't even bother accomplishing. I've stocked up on books to read and there's always something on TV...just a matter of getting through the day and hoping you get to see other human life the next day at school. Only four weeks left until I go home for my mini-vacation and I cannot wait!

This week's blog topic is: what is your "puppy breath"? Sounds a little strange, but a visiting professor once told us to always remember puppy breath, or what it is that keeps us going through the gauntlet that is vet school.

I remember sitting on my bed in my apartment as a fifth year senior in undergrad one summer afternoon, cranking out organic chemistry problems. Because I'd bombed organic chemistry the first go round, I ended up having to take it over the summer semester to be on track to graduate and, you know, apply to vet school. I was feeling discouraged after copying the same problem for the upteenth time, trying desperately to get the material through my head enough to do well in the class. Over the past few months, I was pouring myself into my schoolwork, knowing that if I didn't turn myself around academically I probably never would. I was looking for motivation that was more tangible than just wanting to be a vet.

So I looked my little mutt dog Ella in the eye and I promised her that she was going to go to vet school with me.

It's a childish thing, making a promise to an animal like that but I'd bet my hat that many of us animal people have done it without batting an eye. Suddenly you are no longer only accountable to yourself and your own brain that will let you slack off if you sweet talk it. Just knowing that I had made that promise was enough to keep my nose to the grindstone to get in to vet school.

And I thought that was the hard part! Cue long hours in the classroom, breathing formaldehyde all week, late nights cramming and memorizing to the point of (what I had thought was) maximum capacity. Cue loneliness and stress and depression and missing home so badly that it hurt. I had promised Ella to get her there but I hadn't promised to make it through. But I'm a stubborn thing in the end. I thought of all the people who had encouraged me and supported me and loved me and I couldn't cave in. I gritted my teeth and ground it out and finally I'm at the sunset of my classroom days.

Sometimes I think I don't have a "puppy breath". Sometimes I wonder why the hell I'm even doing this and the answer is not (has never been) to treat diseases and save lives or any of that stuff. I get a thrill when I get to do lab animal stuff; I really, really love it and everytime I do lab animal stuff I know without a doubt that it's what I was "meant to do" as a veterinarian. I will be so happy as a lab animal veterinarian. But is it the reason I put myself through the ringer for all this time? I don't know. I just know that I told my dog I would get her here and when I got here, I was too stubborn, proud and grateful to let anyone down, including myself.

It has finally stopped snowing, the winds have quieted down a bit and I am still toasty warm. I think I can confidently say I have survived the blizzard! As of 5:00am, Charlottetown had reported 53cm of snow - that's over 20 inches in a little less than 24 hours. There is an enormous drift in front of my porch steps but because of the wind, the driveway is relatively clear. It's going to be a hell of an effort to get myself dug out for school tomorrow (good thing we have this second day off so I an be lazy about it...)

Did a bit of residency research yesterday as well as some relaxation and getting more and more excited for my trip home and the start of clinical rotations. I have a decent amount of stuff to do when I get home (visiting friends, spending time with family, banking, doctor's appointments, etc.) so I know it'll probably fly by but after that, the next time I come home will be for good :)

After all this time of having this blog I've finally figured out the intricacies of the background image! It's shameful how long it's taken me to find the little hideaway part to get more images but I'm happy now. I like changing up my blog template/background either to reflect my mood or the season. This time it's a city because I'm missing the comforts the city has to offer (as evidenced by my previous post).

We're due for another big winter storm on Wednesday...maybe I'll dig up something interesting to write about other than the drivel of my every day life.

This week's Blog Topic of the Week coincides nicely with what I would be writing about anyway: What do you like to do outside of school?

Our last exam before finals was on Wednesday and now it's just a matter of counting down the time until April 28th (our last final exam). Four weeks of class, another week and change of finals...it's getting so close! Yesterday I dropped my Block A rotation so that I can go home for a few weeks and recharge (and celebrate my anniversary with my husband) before rotations begin at the end of May. When the end of the year rolls around, I get so fidgety and antsy and now even moreso because I know it'll be the end of classes forever (unless I lose my mind and go for a Masters...) and I just want to be home with all of the people I love for just a little bit.

The unfortunate thing is that while everyone back home is languishing in 60 degree weather, I'm up here just above freezing (which feels delightful, actually) with snow threats in the forecast. Yesterday was a nice day - almost up to 40! - but windy so it wasn't quite the spring day we all like to envision. A decent amount of snow on my driveway melted but there is still plenty of it on the ground with no intention of going anywhere anytime soon. The tough part about that is that the trails/sidewalks/parks that I like to visit are all snow and mud logged. In my free time I love to get outside and hike/walk/explore but it's really difficult with the weather and conditions up here from November easily into April and often later. And I obviously can't get back to running with that all over the ground.

I also love to read - I can devour books. People always ask how I can read for pleasure when I do so much reading for school all the time, but just like being out in nature, it takes my mind somewhere else and doesn't at all feel like the chore that reading notes is.

Going out and hitting up local spots is another enjoyment of mine - historic sites, activites like mini golf of ice skaing, browsing shops at little nearby towns, etc. I'm used to having DC and all of the stuff that it entails just a quick drive or Metro trip away. Charlottetown doesn't offer near the level of stuff to do and as a result, I've been bored out of my mind this week. Ugh. I guess I'll just keep counting down the days.

After a wild weekend of our class's variety show, karaoke, St. Patrick's Day celebrating, sleeping and watching TV, I've been exhausted. Add on a late night studying pigs and poultry stuff and I was beyond drained at school today. I stuck it out for all of my classes, but I'm pretty sure I retained nothing.

Today we took our last exam before the last set of finals EVER. I feel so done with school and learning right now and I really want to have finals be over, get my little vacation in and head back up to this island when it isn't cold and dank and miserable and get these rotations done.

But no. Time insists on dragging, so I'll spend my time flitting between marginal productivity for non-academic things and being absolutely, shamefully worthless. Maybe I'll get around to studying early for exams; not feeling too hopeful on that front though.

Things are looking up, though. I got selected for the ASLAP Vet Student Award and have a lead on some research. Residency applications open in a little over six months and I want to be ready so that I can submit and then wait around again. I still need to find a place to live next year and other important things, but right now I'm going to be lazy and fritter away my time day-dreaming about the months (and years) ahead.

Today, I want to discuss this article called "Why I am a Laboratory Animal Veterinarian" written by a third year resident at Colorado State University. It's not very long and I encourage anyone - vet student, pre-vet, non-vet, small animal, large animal, whatever and whoever - to read it.

First and foremost, whenever I read an article that someone posts on Facebook, I check the source. This particular article comes from a website called Speaking of Research and I fully admit that it's essentially at the opposite end of the spectrum as PETA and the like. While I am quite obviously supportive of the use of animals in research and teaching, my future role (fingers crossed/God willing/knock on wood/whatever) as a lab animal will require me to constantly search for ways to minimize and even negate the use of animals in research and teaching.

I've mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: lab animal medicine revolves around three principles - replace, reduce, refine. When a protocol (a proposal for the use of animals in research) is evaluated by the appropriate committees, one of the first things we ask is, why do you feel you have to use animals for this study? Researchers must defend their desire to use animals, the numbers of animals they want to use, the species they want to use, etc. It isn't as though we say, "4,000 baby chimpanzees? Sure, no problem!" Numbers are justified using detailed statistical analysis - most of the time the very minimum number of animals needed to achieve statistical significance are used; that way, animal numbers are reduced but their lives will not be used in vain because the results mean something. And refinement, that last pillar, can mean a multitude of things - different "less sentient" species (mice over macaques, for example), pain medication, anesthesia for procedures, animal user training, etc. "The Three R's" as they're called in research are the foundation for everything and are taken very seriously.

So as a lab animal vet, you should always be striving to reduce numbers, replace animals with computer models or tissue culture or the like when possible and to refine procedures to absolutely minimize any possibility of pain or distress.

The problem comes with the general public. Many people love animals - millions of dogs and cats alone are owned in the US and billions go into food, treats and their care. The general, animal loving public don't participate in research environments and so all that they know of "animal testing" (read: research) are the graphic pictures circulated by the media. Oftentimes these pictures are taken out of context and aren't even from animal research scenarios. Other times they are from animal research environments but don't mention that the animal can't be feeling any pain because it's anesthetized or that the procedure is not actually invasive (just as an example). So the animal loving public sees these images (paired with sensationalist narrative by animal rights groups) and they equate animal research to, essentially, animal torture.

I wish everyone could know the lab animal vets I've worked with, been in the facilities I've been in and worked with the animal subjects I've worked with. It is nothing like what is so frequently portrayed by the media. What if we took a snap-shot of a small animal hospital at one point during the day? There's a screaming cat held to the table by it's scruff, one leg extended for a blood collection, the vein held off by a chop-motion-positioned hand. The cat is yowling, hissing, screaming, writhing, struggling, stressing. Imagine being judged on a nano-second snapshot of your every day life...it is not at all representative and it frankly isn't fair to the people who work so hard to make these animals' lives as good as possible and to the animals who give so generously to research.

I don't pretend that everything in lab animal medicine is perfect. I wish toxicology testing (the "face" of the animal rights groups' campaigns) did not have to continue to happen. But the fact of the matter is, I am going into lab animal medicine to care for those animals and make sure that everything possible continues to be done in their favor and that the future of lab animal medicine continues to improve for every animal used. I wish people could connect life saving cancer drugs, vaccines, product safety, new medications, new technology, etc. to the use of animals in research. And if they so badly want change, they should focus on developing new technologies to replace animals instead of attempting to harm animal care personnel, free animals and slander an industry that works very hard to provide good care for animals and develop the future of health and wellbeing for both humans and animals.

Topic of the Week: How did you choose which school to attend? What things do you like and dislike about your school's location?

As you're all aware of by now, my undergraduate GPA was pretty poor. When it came time to apply to schools, I knew I'd have to apply really broadly in order to have any kind of chance. VMRCVM is my "in state" (contract agreement with the state of Maryland and the vet school) and they were my first choice if only because they were the cheapest and the closest to home, but I ended up applying to something like ten schools total.

Well, rejection after rejection rolled right in. No one even wanted to interview me, something I thought might give me a bit more of a fighting chance at any of the schools. AVC became my last hope and I was thrilled when it was my lone interview invitation.

I remember leaving my interview and getting some dinner with my parents. I told my dad, "I don't know if I can go here even if I was accepted." AVC and the surrounding community of Charlottetown, PEI is nearly night and day to the world I grew up in. In the suburbs of Washington, D.C there is no shortage of things to do or great places to eat. The summers are unrelentingly hot and humid (and crammed with tourists) and the winters are true winters but the spring and fall are just breathtaking. DC, Baltimore and Annapolis are all less than an hour's drive from where I live and even after living there for over twenty years, I still haven't remotely come close to exhausting the things to do and see. I never considered myself a city girl until I came to PEI.

PEI is a beautiful place in the summer and even fall. But the winters are rough - lots of snow, lots of cold, wind and it looks dreary as hell. As soon as the tourist season is up (pretty much a month after we start school), most things shut down for the season and there isn't much to do. Things are expensive, fruit and vegetables are crappy quality and it all feels so isolated. The other thing that has always struck me about PEI is that the people are crotchety. So many people ask me how refreshing it is to be around "such nice people" when I'm used to DC but honestly? I find people back home SO much nicer in general.

What I do like about PEI is school. There are definitely some issues that it has with regards to budgeting and politics, but on a daily basis I enjoy my professors, my friends and the opportunities I've been provided. I'll be glad to go home when I'm done, but in the end I'm glad I took my acceptance and started on the path to being a vet when I did instead of waiting around for another US school to think about me a couple years later. I can say that I learned a lot and grew so much as a person for coming up here, alone and to a completely different country, and as much as I grumble about the island, I really will miss my friends.

My advice to anyone trying to decide on a school right now is (most importantly) choose the least expensive school that you can. Schools across the country will give you essentially the same education and you make your own opportunities outside of school. People say they'll be studying all of the time anyway, so why does it matter if they like the area or not, but it can be depressing to be in a place that you don't enjoy and it makes you feel resentful and lonely and frustrated and believe me, that impacts your studying. So after cost, find a place that you think you'll genuinely enjoy living for four years of your life and make the most of it.

Yesterday I took my last midterm exam...ever. We still have block finals and then full-semester finals but having even a smaller milestone behind me makes everything feel even more real. 61 days from now, I will start clinical rotations. 237 days from now I will get to go home permanently. 431 days from now I will graduate from vet school. Hopefully sometime between now and then, I will finish out my last diadactic semester with strong grades, will get to see Danny, will find a new place to live, will apply and get a spot in a good residency and will somehow find the self-confidence to be a veterinarian.

I can't say I'll miss the routine grind of classes, gorging and purging for exams or the missing of home. I'm excited to start clinics if only to get that much closer to finishing school; I'm also terrified that I will be utterly worthless but a part of me knows I have at least some level of competency. More than anything, I can't wait for the day I get my DVM and get to go home and start my "real life".

Because that's what vet school has felt like: a strange hiatus from the real world. I feel like everything and everyone outside of my little vet school bubble is rushing by, busy doing things that normal people do. Not that I want to be another sheep and check off all the boxes on the list of What You Should Do In Life, but I can't wait for Friday nights when I just come home, watch TV with my husband and eat carry out Chinese. When I can take my sister out to lunch because she's had a rough week. When I can go out with friends whenever I want. When no one has to ask, "When do you go back?"

I guess it's all becoming a distant reality and I can almost taste it. I'm excited for some mind-blowingly awesome externals I've managed to line up and I know I'm going to spend the summer preparing my application for residency. It's so far away, but look how quickly three years have gone by already. It's just one foot in front of the other now.