Only ten days since last posting - I feel pretty accomplished with my attentiveness to the blog ;)

Anyway, Christmas was a nice time. My sister and her boyfriend stayed the night at my parents and we stayed up late wrapping gifts and talking. We had a variety of stuff for breakfast and then commenced opening presents. My aunt and uncle came over around lunch time and we all talked for a while. Danny had to work the next day, which was a bummer, but got the early shift so he was home in the early afternoon. After taking a nap, we got dinner and went to the Mormon Temple to see their huge Christmas light display. We drove around neighborhoods after that, looking at all of the lights. A great date :)

I've managed to be somewhat productive since then, getting little errands and chores done here and there. I've also been plenty lazy, reading three library books among other things. I don't have much in the way of plans for NYE yet, or for my birthday in a few weeks, but not having the looming date of having to leave takes a lot of pressure off my mind.

Sorry for falling off the face of the earth (again)! Not much has been happening around here: got a lot of Christmas shopping done - most of it online, I'm ashamed to say but it's just so darn easy - and now I'm awaiting package delivery. Went to see the national Christmas tree with Danny like we do every year, which was fun. Stopped by my work Christmas party and got some gifts, ate some food and caught up with everyone. Danny had to go into work this morning for a few hours but should be home for lunch and maybe more shopping. Planning for dinner with my sister, her boyfriend, Danny and my parents tonight. Getting caught up on football and Chipotle (duh).

Two residency interviews for me (hoping on one more in particular), and February/Match Day can't come soon enough! Really looking forward to starting my career as a vet, getting our own place, all that jazz. Also planning our next date night (Zoo Lights at the National Zoo, I think...) and just being genuinely happy that I don't have to go back to the Great White North! Although I do miss my friends a lot :(

NAVLE scores come back mid-January, I start my externals at the end of January, and I have some good library books I'm working through. Life is good :)

Since posting last, a lot has happened.

First and foremost, I picked Danny up from the airport last Thursday (Thanksgiving). I am so happy to be reunited with him and not have the end of winter break (or summer break, or whatever) looming over us. We are finally together permanently and it is a glorious feeling.

Anyway, I still had to go to my farm services rotation on Friday, but after that I came home, we packed up and hit the road Saturday morning for the journey home. Per usual, we stopped over in Portland, Maine and had dinner at Chipotle. Chipotle is always delicious, but the experience was extra-special as I hadn't been there in six months. Then we went and wandered around Cabella's for a bit and then turned in. Sunday morning we left decently early and made good time until about an hour or so away from home, where we hit pretty bad returning-from-Thanksgiving-weekend traffic. Ugh. But we made it home!

This past week has been spent doing my final studying for the NAVLE. I got 100% of the way through Zuku's study mode and about 50% of the way through their test mode before calling it quits and just browsing my notes all day yesterday. I got up bright and early this morning, made my way to the testing center and even found a parking garage very close by, which I'd been worrying about. Got checked in and started my exam...and just kept going! I forced myself to take a break half-way through (there were six blocks, 65mins each, though I got them done in about 45mins) but other than that, I just kept plowing through. Overall I felt like it was a fairly reasonable exam; for me, the first few sections were a lot easier than the last three sections. There were definitely questions that I had to outright guess on, and some where I'd whittled it down to two reasonable options (at least in my opinion) and had to just pick one, that sort of thing. But overall I feel like I probably passed, which is all that matters!

In other news, I received two preliminary interview invitations with residency programs!! Those will be happening in the coming weeks and while I'm pretty nervous and don't exactly know what to expect, I'm excited to be given the opportunity.

So everything is going pretty well for me. I feel as though with NAVLE and my clinical conference behind me, I had a pretty big weight off my shoulders. I still have some paperwork to do, the two interviews to prepare for, and various other non-vet related stuff to do, but I'm looking forward to the chance to do some fun stuff, prepare for the holidays and catch up with everyone back home :)

My schedule lately has been wake up, go on farm calls, have some lunch, go on farm calls, go home, study for NAVLE, talk to Danny and go to bed. Out of all of my internal rotations, I think my current rotation (farm services) has been the most difficult. It's physically challenging (I'm short and cow butts are tall, cows are big and not always the smartest creatures on the earth and flail around dangerously on the reg and retracting uteruses is tough), intellectually challenging (there are approximately five thousand and forty-seven ways to get a cow ready to breed; also, please remember all of reproduction) and we're outside in the frigid arctic temperatures of a premature Canadian winter. That all being said, I'm learning a lot, loving the people and generally having a good time.


The rest of my life is kind of meh right now. NAVLE studying is boring yet necessary. I need to finalize my clinical conference paper to submit this weekend. I should start getting my apartment ready to be packed up because, oh yeah, I'M MOVING HOME NEXT WEEKEND :) I've also been getting the cold shoulder from residency programs, panicking about my future and worrying that I'll never get to do lab animal medicine. But that's kind of another story all together and I know I need to be a little more patient. So I guess in a few weeks time I'll either have a post about having an interview or I'll be further into my identity crisis. Stay tuned.

I like to do blog make overs at the changing of the seasons; as my little corner of Canada got a dusting of snow last night, I figured it was finally time to surrender to the idea that winter is indeed coming.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do when I get home for good in 11(!!!) days. It feels like I have so much I need to do for vet-related stuff - finalizing my last two externals, taking boards, hopefully attending a residency interview or two, etc - but I want to do some stuff that I'm excited out, unrelated to school or my career. So here's my breakdown:

1) Food. My dad is a phenomenal cook, and I look forward to getting back into my parents' kitchen after six months of very, very limited kitchen supplies. They have a ton of room, a huge gas range, lots of useful gadgets and a dishwasher! I can't wait to make all kinds of things, from pecan pie to mashed potatoes to huge salads. I also want to go to all of the restaurants that I've been missing all this time: Chipotle, ChikFilA, Fuddruckers, any and all Mexican food places, Roti, Buca Di Beppo, etc etc etc.

2) Friends. I have so many wonderful friends back home that I haven't seen in six months! I have a couple of holiday parties I'm planning to attend, but I also just want to go catch up with these people.

3) Activities. Every year, my mom, sister and I go and paint Christmas ornaments. We've been doing it for years and whenever Danny and I get our own place, I know I'll take mine with me. Danny and I also go to the National Christmas Tree every year - it's just blocks from where he works and it's nice to walk downtown with him even if it's usually cold. I don't know what we'll do if we move away :( But I'm also planning some fun other activities, like going to see certain movies, maybe a hockey game, a couple of museums, etc.

After so long away from home, the last week or two before leaving always seems to drag for me. It doesn't help that this is the last time I'll be away from my husband for the rest of our lives! I get more and more antsy to start moving on - find a job/residency, find a place to live, start digging in for the long haul...all that fun stuff. Running on my last reserves of patience, but I just have to keep going!

This week was an epidemiology rotation and I can say with full confidence that it has been my least favorite rotation by a very long shot. I suppose I should mention that math isn't one of my favorite things, I resent busy work at this stage in my academic career and long drawn out Powerpoint presentations that talk far too much about little details of the regulatory government are not the best medium for keeping my attention; perhaps this rotation was destined to fail from the beginning. You would think disease outbreak and detective work and all that jazz should be exciting and engaging but in this context...no. So suffice to say I'm glad to put this one in the books.

Also this week, I presented my clinical conference case on Wednesday! Also glad to have it behind me, although I think the presentation went well despite the er, unpolished handling of certain questions afterward. I still have to polish my paper for the end of November and submit it for a grade, but my case advisor is encouraging me to publish it too, so I'll have some extra coordinating to do. Exciting, though!

Last but certainly not least, my match application is due on Sunday - ack. I had all of my materials save letters of recommendation in for a while and waiting on other people to contribute their pieces is nerve-wracking and terrible, per usual. It's a bit like applying to vet school, and I have faith that all will be sent in on time, but until I know that it's in on time for sure, I'm going to stress. Which is why I asked them to submit by today, so I don't have to fret all weekend about whether or not all my stuff is in. Instead, I will fret about possible upcoming preliminary phone interviews and whether or not I'll miss a call while I'm out at farms next week for my next rotation.

We finished early today, so I'm sitting at home in my sweatpants on the couch while it rains outside, working on my NAVLE prep. That's in less than a month, but I've made decent progress on my prep materials and I'm feeling...okay. Not confident but not panicked - yet.

I promise I haven't fallen off the blogging wagon, I've just been busy doing much of the same thing, with some variation on the theme depending on what rotation I'm on.

Last week was ruminant nutrition, where myself and three very cow-oriented people did some cow stuff in the mornings (palpations mainly, but I got to: give some IM injections, watch some foot trimming, give an epidural, chase some heifers, palpate a Jersey cow [which is my size cow!], amputate a tail, ultrasound [preg check] a crapload of sheep, dehorn some calves and the like) and nutrition stuff in the afternoons. I took a year of production animal nutrition in undergrad, so I knew I would understand and enjoy the subject material. Also, good practice for my three weeks on farm services ahead.

This week I've been on lab animal and exotics. If you've read even just one post on this blog, you know how I feel about this rotation, and it's lived up to my wildest hopes and dreams. We've been taking care of the wildlife patients (pigeons, a barred owl and a bald eagle) which includes radiographs and handling (a first for me when it comes to raptors) as well as: blood collection from turtles, ferrets, mice and snakes (I also managed a pericardiocentesis in the snake?!), some amazing field trips to a falconry and a snake breeder and lots of other amazing things that are slipping my mind right now because I'm exhausted from all of the crazy fun stuff we've been up to. Never a dull moment.

I've also been working away at my Match application. I got my materials submitted and am just waiting on two more letters of recommendation to come through (I have a bad feeling they're going to go down to the wire, which serves me right for being a procrastinator myself!) I'm excited to get everything submitted and start hopefully hearing back from places for an interview. Danny and I made our list of 10 programs, and looked into the areas that they're in for ease of job for him, income, taxes, etc. but I think getting to see the facilities and actually experience the area ourselves will be a big factor in my rank order. I was all nervous about where we'd end up but now that I'm actually applying, I realize that the most important thing is that I get to live with my husband and we get to be a normal couple for the first time in a very, very long time. I certainly hope I find a program with awesome facilities, amazing people and great opportunities too, though!

The other things on my plate include my clinical conference - my presentation is next Wednesday (eek!) and my final paper is due at the end of November before I head out. Match applications are due November 9 and I should start to hear back from programs shortly thereafter. Then home for the NAVLE, hopefully some interviews, holiday time with my family, catching up with old friends and externals. Match Day is February 9(?) and at that point, Danny and I can start looking into details on moving to our new place.

Crazy times ahead, but I'm excited :)

Another one bites the dust: small animal medicine is done! I didn't get called in on emergency last night so I just had to come in this morning and feed the pigeons (they're being cared for by our tiny wildlife group while they regrow their flight feathers) and now I'm finished with all of my obligations for the rotation. It wasn't nearly so bad as I was expecting - at least in part due to the decrease in cases coming through compared to the summer rotations but also because all of the technicians, interns, residents and clinicians were amazing to work with.


In other exciting news, Match applications opened on Wednesday. I've got all of my letter writers lined up, have a few last minute tweaks to make to my essay and a couple other odds little things to do before the special lab animal deadline November 9th. Fortunately, I should have enough free time through December and early January to attend any interviews I might be lucky enough to land. I'm going to apply to 10 programs (you pay for applications in brackets, so it's a set fee for 1-10, 11-20, etc) although there are four or five that I'm most interested in right now. It feels kind of like applying to vet school, except now that my grades are better I feel more confident in my application than when I applied to vet schools. So it's pretty exciting.

I have a lot of chores to get done today but I know I'll have next weekend to get stuff done too, as my next rotation is only a week long. I also have a paper to finish and a powerpoint to start for my clinical conference (which I'm terrified for...) as well as NAVLE prep to continue. Time is really rolling now :)

Two weeks of medicine down, one more to go!

So far, I really like this rotation and I feel kind of silly for dreading it as much as I did. Granted, I expected it to be like surgery with a lot of cases to juggle, late hours and crazy weekends. Fortunately the case load has been steady but not overwhelming and the weekends have been manageable. There have definitely been some late nights but I don't feel nearly so exhausted as I did during surgery. On top of that, I feel as though I've been developing my skills, both technical and diagnostic, and continue to feel as though this profession is absolutely the right place for me. There have been some sad cases but there have also been some very happy endings that make it all worth it. If I had room for it in my schedule, I would totally do a second block of medicine!

Since last posting, I also had two fun events: buddy dinner and awards night.


Buddy dinner is where our buddy groups (one to two students in each academic year plus a faculty adviser) get to sit down to a sponsored dinner, catch up and exchange advice. My buddy mentor is a great guy, always offering valuable advice on life, and my buddies are really sweet. I only got to meet one of my incoming buddies but she was really nice too! I like being able to help other students out (I got to chat with a gaggle of first years in the teaching hospital today which was awesome). Plus, you know, free dinner ;)

Awards night was Wednesday night. I love awards night because you get to see everyone rewarded for their hard work and achievements. I was selected by my class for an award recognizing courtesy, sincerity and integrity. The award was put together by a family in honor of their veterinarian son who passed away and the short speech the guy gave before it was so touching. I felt ridiculously honored to have been selected by my class. Definitely made my night :) But my favorite part of the evening was the presentation of the annual teaching award; the professors are always so happy and touched at being selected and I love being able to recognize them for having such an impact on our education and our future careers. The person I voted for didn't win - and I thought she really deserved it! - but the winner was totally deserving too. All in all a great night.

I've managed to be lazy and not accomplish much of my fall to-do list lately, but hopefully I get some time this weekend even though I am on call...

Another rotation behind me! I really enjoyed diagnostic services. Most of it was clinical pathology, which I like because it's pretty much just a puzzle you have to figure out and the clinicians were all great to work with. Lots of microscope time which hurt my eyes after a while, but I feel like I developed some good clinical skills as well as problem-solving abilities (read: I re-remembered everything we learned the first few years of school...)

Up next is small animal medicine, which I'm dreading more than a little. It is a notoriously difficult rotation, not all that different than the small animal surgery rotation that just ate my life for three weeks. I'm really not looking forward to early mornings and middle of the night phone calls, even if I do learn a lot.

But I still have two days before the madness begins. I'm going to attempt to make it an even mix of productivity (cleaning my apartment, starting my clinical conference paper) and relaxation (finishing "Salem's Lot" by Stephen King, sleeping in). The next three weeks also hold some things to look forward to: awards night, opening of the Match for applications and the buddy potluck dinner are all happening, which means I have one big thing to look forward to each week.

After small animal medicine finishes up, I have three one week rotations and then one last three week block. Then Danny comes to pick me up and I head for home for good! So nine more weeks of internal rotations, nine more weeks of long distance marriage, nine more weeks of no Chipotle...I hope it goes quickly :)

Over the last week, a lot of things have been teaming up to start overwhelming me: upcoming residency applications, my clinical conference presentation, homework for my rotation, an issue with my student loans and a million other little things that needed done. Yesterday, I was dangerous close to just bursting into tears. I felt like there was too much to do in too little time. Despite having kept myself together even through the most grueling of my clinical rotations thus far, I was letting the stress take over more and more of my thoughts. I wasn't sleep well, I was thinking of worst-case scenarios for every little thing.

After dithering around feeling sorry for myself yesterday morning, I got my shit together. I made a to-do list and just started working through it. I accomplished a lot yesterday, and I feel better today. I still have things that need to be done, and deadlines looming, but just making a list and starting into it helped me to feel more in control.

Some of the things I accomplished over this last week have included registering for my NAVLE (licensing exam) and applying to graduate. I've also been looking through programs posted on the Match website, and while the list is not yet complete, I've narrowed down some of my options. Everything is becoming more real with every passing day. I have a lot to accomplish this semester before I go home, and I hopefully have some residency interviews to plan for when I do get home. And already it's nearing the end of September! But remembering how efficient I can be when I set myself to it makes me feel a bit better. One to-do list at a time.

At long last: the weekend. Not just "a" weekend, but The Weekend: my first weekend in a month that I've had no responsibilities other than those assigned by my own conscience. (My mother remarked on the phone that it was like I was in medical school or something! Sigh.)

A month behind on all domestic responsibilities adds up quickly. My laundry has long outgrown the mesh baskets it usually inhabits until it can be cleaned and has puddled on the floor beside the over-stuffed aforementioned hampers. My dishes are all dirty - every last one of them. (I ruthlessly culled any semblance of excess when I made the last trip back North and have five each bowls, plates, spoons, forks and knives. I have one mixing bowl, one skillet, one saucepot, one pair of tongs, one spatula and one serving spoon. My splurges are one can opener, one cutting board and three - gluttony, I tell you! - kitchen knives.) The floors need a date with the vacuum desperately.

For all that I hope to accomplish this weekend, I will have to do it all over again in two weeks time in preparation for my last overly demanding rotation (or so I hope): small animal medicine. Like surgery, it will consume every last waking minute I have and I have no doubt that the chaos that is my little apartment will soon rear its ugly head again. But for now, on quiet Diagnostic Services, I can regather the pieces at leisure.

I was looking at the calendar the other day, and thinking about everything ahead of me:

One month until our awards ceremony where I get my Honor Roll certificate and unknown award(s).

One week after that, the Match opens and I can view programs and start submitting my materials.

Two weeks after that, lab animal materials are due (eek).

Two weeks after that, I have my clinical conference presentation.

Three weeks after that, Danny comes to pick me up and I leave Canada for good!

Two weeks after that, I take my NAVLE. Then I have Christmas break and can relax a bit.

In early January, externals begin. I should hear if I passed the NAVLE or not around this time.

In early February, Match Day!

In early May, graduation!

It seems like such a long time away until I find out what my future looks like, at least for the next few years. But when I break everything down like this, it looks like everything will absolutely fly by! I've always been a big planner and I love lists but I haven't really had to make one since I was getting my stuff together to apply to vet school. Another chapter is fast approaching and I'm excited to see where Danny and I end up :)

I am so close to being done with surgery! I've been so exhausted these last few weeks, and I'm sure I've been complaining way too much to anyone in my vicinity, but I'm almost there. I have to go in to medicate and walk my patient tonight and then go to rounds tomorrow morning to pass him off to the next student on the next rotation and then I'm free....just in time to start my next rotation, diagnostic services.

The good news is, diagnostic services requires no patient care or paper work, which are the biggest time sinks in the medicine and surgery rotations. I hear we have homework and stuff, but we don't start until 8:30am, we get a lunch break and we finish at a decent hour. I'm really looking forward to having time on the weekends to get my apartment in order, work on stuff that needs done and repay my friends for being so understanding this last block.

Despite the demand of surgery, I've been making decent headway on my fall to-do list. I've been churning through NAVLE stuff and have even manged to get some work done on my match application, which opens in a little over a month's time! I still haven't really touched my clinical conference thing but I'm contemplating changing topics from a case study to something completely different that I'm more interested in. I'd love to do an exotics topic but haven't had the chance to see any exotics just yet, so it's a bit tricky. We'll see, but I do need to decide soon, eek.

Labor Day is always the unofficial end of summer so I gave my blog an overhaul in honor of autumn. My holiday weekend was spent in the teaching hospital or in bed/the couch studying for boards. It's a glamorous life, for sure.

I guess the thing is, somewhere in the last few weeks especially, I've actually begun to feel like a doctor. I don't pretend to know everything (or - let's be honest - most things) but I realize that I am able to do a lot of doctor stuff without depending on my clinicians: assessing a patient, making up a treatment plan, communicating with owners. For all that I ask stupid questions or forget the most obvious things, I definitely know things. It's crazy to think that in a few months I'll be done my rotations at school and begin my external rotations in the things that interest me most (lab animal and exotics). I've gone through a couple drafts of personal statements for the Match and if there's one thing I can talk about ad nauseum, it's my career goals. I know how I want to use this education and degree to start me on the path to the things I really want to do. Because being a veterinarian is really only the beginning of the plans I have for myself. I'm excited to get this first hurdle (getting my DVM) under my belt, but I'm definitely enjoying the ride.

The best word to describe my surgery rotation is "consuming" - I'm at school for long hours, I'm responsible for my patient care (which has been quite intensive because of the type of cases) including calling owners twice daily, I have to be in at the same time each morning even if it's a weekend or a holiday, I have to work some late nights after a full day of rotation and I'm eyeball-deep in paperwork. I've had to miss out on social gatherings with friends, have barely done any NAVLE prep and my apartment looks post-apocalyptic. I'm hoping I have something clean to wear somewhere. When I do have a few hours off, I just want to sleep. Needless to say, I'm super jealous of the lower years who get to sleep in and have Labor Day off and go on pub crawls. And then I remember that I'm only three months away from getting to go home for good and it's just enough of a spark to keep me getting out of bed in the mornings.

On the upside, my rotation mates have been awesome and the clinicians and techs that I work with are so helpful and supportive. I got a notification that I won some award(s) and made the dean's list, which is really nice but I have to wait until the awards presentation night in early October to find out what I won. My NAVLE prep is going a bit better than it had been and I've made a tiny bit of headway on my match prep, too. I'll just keep looking for the positives while I slog through surgery and start salivating at the prospect of sleeping in when I'm on diagnostics next!

It feels weird not to be starting class again tomorrow with the rest of the school. Instead of the first day of school, tomorrow is just another Monday on rotations. I'd obviously rather be down in the clinic doing hands-on stuff instead of sitting through hour after hour of Powerpoint lecture, but it's definitely a strange feeling to see all of the back to school posts floating around!

Now that school is beginning, I'm starting to look ahead to what I need to accomplish this "semester". Since I like lists to keep me organized, here it is:

• Study for the NAVLE. I'm planning to take my veterinary licensing exam after I get back home, hopefully early to mid-December. I wanted to take the exam up here and then go home without the need to study hanging over my head, but my school won't be offering it until December and I don't want to have to pay rent just to take the darn test. So I'll head home at the end of November, study for a week or two and then take the test. At least I'll have it over with by Christmas!
• Prepare my application for the Match. The Veterinary Internship and Residency Matching Program (VIRMP) opens to applicants on October 15th. Lab animal programs require submission of materials early November, giving me just about two weeks to fill out my information, submit transcripts, corral my letters of recommendation writers and put in my personal statement/letter of intent. Then (fingers crossed) I should hear back shortly for phone interviews and in-person interviews over the winter months. Match Day is February 9, 2015 at 8:00am EST!
• Put together and present my Clinical Conference case. I have one planned tentatively, but part of me wants to change it to a topic presentation about something that interests me more. Obviously this whole thing needs a bit more thought...

So that's my fall semester in a nutshell. It doesn't look so intimidating when it's broken down into three bullet points, but I know it's going to be a lot more work than it looks! Here's to hoping I can also keep up with rotations, laundry and keeping my apartment liveable at the same time.

Last night, I left school around 7:30pm. I had just finished my treatments for the night, which went longer than planned as I had to clean out the poop-smeared kennel of an isolation patient, rebandage her poop-smeared leg and other such niceties while my clinicians went out for beers. On my way out, one of my favorite clinicians from my large animal medicine rotation held the door open for me. "Just came from the coating ceremony," she told me.

Three years ago, I attended my own coating ceremony. There was no poop on my clothing, I didn't smell like bleach and I hadn't just worked a twelve hour day. Hell, I think I had make up on! I listened to the dean of our school talk about the profession of veterinary medicine; noble, trustworthy veterinary medicine, a far cry from down on my knees in an isolation unit scrubbing feces off of stainless steel wearing my hot, cumbersome isolation unit gear. We were fed a nice dinner; last night, I scarfed McDonalds because I was too tired and didn't have enough time to cook. Danny and I walked up on stage together and he helped me into my blue coat, the tangible evidence of my entrance into veterinary school (with the promise of "DVM" in a few short years). I came home last night to a dark apartment, to talk to my wonderful husband over Facetime who misses me and is miserable and bored right now. At the coating ceremony, I was excited for the time to come; now, I count down the days until I'm done with this beast they call vet school.

And yet, the end of the day yesterday was one of only a few times in all these years that I've thought: I wish I wasn't here doing this (okay, that's a lie: I thought the same thing this morning when my alarm when off for me to go in to rounds, heh). The days are long, the paperwork is tedious, the responsibilities are numerous and poorly described, some people just don't like you because you're a student, some animals try to bite you while others just poop innocently and step in it and smear it everywhere, there are terrible, god-awful smells and there are heartbreaking cases.

But in the end, it's worth it to me. I hope the incoming classes of 2018 at vet schools across the country get their new coats and see them as a canvas to paint on, to muck up and stain and tear. That way, when you have a rough day, you can look down at your coat and know that at least you made a difference somehow, even if it was just by cleaning up a stinky kennel.

Since last posting, so much has happened!

First, and most importantly by far, Danny came to visit for our long weekend. I picked him up from the airport on Thursday night and we had a delightful time. We visited Victoria Park for a walk along the boardwalk, saw Guardians of the Galaxy (which I begrudgingly liked), strolled through the Charlottetown Yacht Club and sat on the end of a giant pier just watching the water traffic, walked along the beach despite the frigid water, browsed a local artsy-fartsy place, cooked dinner together and just enjoyed each other's company. His flight left early Monday morning at all of Monday was fittingly dreary and rainy.

I went back home and laid in bed drowsing for an hour before my alarm went off again. Companion animal surgery started at 8:15am. To call the day "hectic" would be a gross understatement. Fortunately, all of the clinicians, technicians, student workers and my peers on the rotation have been fantastic. Although I have zero desire to be a surgeon, I don't hate the rotation. I don't care for the lack of organization or the break-neck speed of it all, but I'm keeping my head above water. And all three of my patients thus far have be absolute loves to work with. One even got to go home this afternoon!

Now that I'm back to working with clients again, I'm finding that the communication is slightly different than what I experienced in community practice. In community practice, I was either following up with owners on test results (which were often normal) or providing a post-surgery update (which were often good). While I'm very fortunate to have had relatively healthy animals on surgery so far, there's definitely an element of stress and concern that I didn't really deal with on community practice. It's a constant learning experience but I've been lucky to have truly wonderful owners to work with thus far.

The autumn is shaping up to be a crazy one but I can't wait until the end of November when I get to go home for good. Not that I haven't been enjoying fourth year, because I really have, but I'm ready to head to my externals!

I started reading about the Ebola outbreak toward the end of third year. I waited for the panic to start up, the news articles to pick up a head of steam. It never really happened until two Americans who had contracted the disease were sent home to be treated at Emory. Now, articles about Ebola abound. My news feed, that wonderful social barometer, shows that now people care.

One thing having to do with the Ebola outbreak that hasn't been discussed in the capacity that it deserves? Animal research.

I know, I know, won't I ever get off this soapbox? But the drug being used to treat these two Americans was developed using animal models. First monoclonal antibodies collected from mice, then preliminary research on non-human primates. Two people are given the chance to survive a highly fatal disease and all anyone can blather about is whether or not Ebola can be transmitted through the air. (Okay, that's important to know. But you can bet the farm that the biosecurity measures in place at Emory are far past letting that little chance take root.)

Let's say those people recover. Let's say the drug that helped them, ZMapp, gets sent to people over in Africa. Let's say that drug quiets the storm, relieves the suffering, stops the outbreak. Will there be articles plastered over the front pages of prominent news sources? Will anyone say, "Gee, I'm really glad animal testing continues, so that we can develop cures for these awful diseases?" I doubt it. And that underlines the sad fact: people take research for granted. People want to protest "animal cruelty" and "animal testing". They want to free these animals from their research cages and give themselves a pat on the back for being so morally pristine. I don't argue that animal use in research can be improved. But look at the good it does! Those two Americans' families will have a chance to see their loved one again because of a drug tested on animals. Why can't people recognize that and embrace the good we can do with laboratory animals?

I had a moment of self-loathing last night.

Danny's name was brought up for a promotion - one that he has been overdue for for a long while. Unfortunately, he won't really be considered, despite all of his higher-ups thinking of him instantly, because there is the possibility that he will be moving away to follow me to residency.

I can't even tell you how heartbroken that made me feel. Danny is quite literally the hardest worker I've ever known. The man has only taken a sick day when he obliterated his ankle and couldn't walk the next day and when he's been seriously ill. He works long hours, he works hard hours and he doesn't complain. His coworkers and boss really like him and he deserves a promotion like, yesterday. To hear that he wouldn't be considered because of me, essentially, made me feel awful. He already sacrifices enough having me not be around for four years and now he can't even get a darn promotion.

I told him that I would drop all of my residency plans, only apply to the one local program and then to nearby jobs and I meant it with all of my heart. He has given up so much for me to be able to do my thing, career-wise, and now it's finally actually negatively impacted his own career, however small a ding that it may have been. I've never felt so selfish in all of my life. But of course he brushed it off, because he is the world's best husband, ever. I just don't know how I will ever repay him.

Bottom line, vet school requires sacrifices of all sorts. These sacrifices come in different shapes and sizes, but they come for just about everyone. I am so lucky that I have such an amazing husband and such a wonderful family back home. Just remember to treat the good ones in your life like the treasures that they are.

So week one of radiology is now over. I feel like this past week has been the fastest yet, despite the fact that this rotation has been my least favorite so far.

It isn't that I don't like radiology. I actually love radiology and considered it something I would want to do if I were so besotted with lab animal. But actually being in the clinics has dissuaded me. There is a lot of repetition - which is good for things like ultrasound, because at the beginning I could barely even orient myself in the squishy mass of grey things and now I can kind of identify organs. But one of the things I love so much about lab animal is that there is a ton of variety, not just in species but in stuff to do. Doing thoracic radiographs to check for metastasis and abdominal ultrasounds is only cool for so long.

Another thing is, you don't have a lot of influence or control over the patient. This means that your day's schedule really depends on the organizational skills of others and often leads to big chunks of time with nothing happening and then flurries of activity that require you to rush at least a little. This also means the animal comes to you, you take the pictures and make your suggestions and then...it goes away. You don't get to build a connection with the owners, plan treatment or anything. You can recommend things, but in general, if you're a specialized radiologist, you tell the surgeon where the lesion is or tell the medicine clinician what you see and they take that as a piece of their own puzzle. I dislike the lack of continuity, which is a very general practitioner thing for me to say, eek.

It's not a terrible rotation by any stretch of the imagination, but it's also not exactly what I was hoping for. On the other hand, my next rotation is companion animal surgery, so it could always be (and it will be...) worse!

Just submitted my paperwork for the last of my student loans. I'm glad I'll be done with it, but I am really not looking forward to having to pay it all off especially if I'm on a resident salary. I'm lucky in that my husband can provide for us otherwise, and that I don't have any undergraduate debt, but it's a scary thing to look ahead to.

In happier news, I've had a nice weekend. Went out for sushi with two good friends on Friday night, did a lot of laughing but also talked a little bit about upcoming match applications, since they're both lab animal people too. Saturday I did some cleaning of the apartment and went to the track in the evening. It was a perfect night to watch the ponies go, and I was in my "secret" (not really, just less well known) area where all the touristy people weren't crowding around. Today I managed to sleep in by putting a pillow over my head (the crows in my neighborhood are awful and wake me up every morning, grr), talked to Danny and then went out and bought myself a big poutine for lunch. I need to look over some radiology notes, as that's my next rotation come Monday morning, as well as clean the rest of the apartment but right now I'm having a nice time relaxing and reading the Stephen King book that my community practice clinician lent me last week (Eyes of the Dragon).

18 days until Danny gets here and four months until I go back for good :) Not like I'm counting or anything...

Lately I've been browsing a long distance relationship forum. There is always perspective to be gained from others' relationships, and I admit that seeing the obstacles that others have to overcome (that make my own seem so measly) comforts me in a way. At least he is not being deployed; at least we have already met and our families know about each other; at least there isn't an ocean and a staggering time difference between us. The fact that my husband is actually the perfect person for me and we don't have any issues aside from, you know, all those miles is just icing on the cake (barf bags to your left. Sorry.)

I have it so easy. Twelve hundred miles (a good chunk of which is beautiful landscape) and one international border with only mildly grumpy border guards is "all" that separates me from Danny. It helps that our entire relationship has been "in person" and that we spent the majority of our relationship "close distance" as they say. It helps even more than we've always been able to schedule visits with minimal fuss. And perhaps most importantly of all, there has always been an end date to it all. (The fact that there is now literally a Last Day in Canada - November 30th - is overwhelming to me in the best of ways.) I can't imagine trekking forward with an LDR with no definitive end to it. I have too many plans for my life, too many things I want to do with him.

The weekends are the hardest time for me. Two days of nothing sounds blissful when I'm in the middle of a week of any rotation and I'm tired and smelly and just want to read or cook a real dinner or go out with some friends. But when the weekend hits, I find myself aimless, drifting and lonely. There are certainly things that I can (and probably should) do. But more times than not, I leave those things undone and just kind of float through the hours doing a bit of this and a bit of that just to pass the time. Frankly, it's pathetic.

Many relationships are forced to become long distance with vet school. All but a scant few ended at one point or another. There is such a negative stigma attached to LDR, and while I can understand why it exists, I can't understand why anyone lets that stigma govern their choices. The distance has been tough, even tougher this year than the last and moreso than I expected for fourth year. But our relationship has gained a dynamic that I didn't know was possible, grown and matured entirely for the better. If you can survive the distance, it's not such a bad thing to have been through.

Major traffic on this blog the last few days. Not sure why it's spiked all of a sudden, unless more pre-vets are scoping out SDN in preparation for applying to vet school this cycle or something. Although applications opened at the beginning of June...? Ah, the mystery of the internet.

Speaking of pre-vets, I volunteered to talk to some at our university about fourth year. I'm not really sure what I'd ask a fourth year student if I had it to do over, though. In preparation for this event and to hopefully persuade any of the current influx of lurkers curious about vet school, I've decided to make a real post about being a fourth year student.

So what's fourth year like?

Well, it depends. All schools that I'm aware of have rotations, where you go through different services (for example: internal medicine, surgery, anesthesia, radiology, etc) for a set period of time (one week to four weeks seems to be the maximum per rotation). Rotations are kind of like working: you come in, you do your thang, you go home (sometimes with homework).

As an example, I'm on anesthesia right now. I get my case assignment either the night before or the morning of. I "work up" the case: I read the animal's history and try to talk to the clinician on the case, I do a physical exam, I read the blood work and I decide what drugs I want to give the patient. We have rounds every morning where we discuss all of these things with the head anesthesia clinician. Eventually I get my patient, give it pre-meds, place an IV catheter, induce the patient with more drugs, place an endotracheal tube and start the anesthesia. I monitor the animal and record values like heart rate, blood pressure, etc throughout the entire time the animal is anesthetized. Then I wake the animal up, make sure it's comfortable and go about my merry way.

My day would be really different if I were on large animal medicine, or radiology or whatever. The day to day stuff really depends on what rotation you're on. The basic gist is assignment of patient, diagnostic tests and interpretation of those tests, plan for that patient based on all of the information you have.

A question I get frequently is, "How do you like fourth year?" I do like it. It's a lot better than the first three years in that you aren't sitting on one place all day listening to people read off of powerpoints. You're in the clinic, hands-on and learning pretty much constantly. You get to build awesome relationships with your peers, even those who may not have been your closest friend during the classroom years. You get to interact with some great veterinarians (your future colleagues) that have so much knowledge and are eager to teach you. You get to interact with some wonderful clients who not only care about their pet very much but are also so gracious toward you as a student. Sure, not everyone is such a saint to be around but I've found that the good ones far outweigh the bad.

I guess the best thing about fourth year so far, aside from the amazing people and the huge amount of learning, is that I've been completely validated in my decision to become a veterinarian. I've been headed toward lab animal medicine from Day One of vet school, but it's such a good feeling to be doing "regular vet" things and still very much enjoying that aspect of the field even though it isn't what I plan to do. If I ever had to leave lab animal, I would absolutely put my degree to good use somewhere else in the field of vet med. And knowing that I've put so much time, effort, money and emotion into this career, it's good to know that I chose right.

Last night I drove up to the national park where I used to run all of the time, just past the little cottage I lived in for three years. I hadn't realized just how much I missed it out there until I was driving past the fields and along the coastline on a perfect summer evening. Sure, there are tons of tourists around right now but it was still so nice to drive alongside perfect views with my windows down and my hair misbehaving.

Living in town has had its advantages, no doubt about it. But there's just no comparison between living five minutes away from a breathtaking national park (and going there daily) and living in a little apartment just off one of Charlottetown's two main roads where people are loud and you don't have green fields to look out over.

Nature always makes me feel nostalgic. I think it's because deep down, I'm a wilderness kind of person. A little cabin in the middle of the woods on a mountainside with some horses, sheep, chickens, a couple of dogs, a sprinkle of kids and my one true love sounds like heaven on earth. Yes, I enjoy the convenience of the city, and I enjoy spending time downtown (back home, that is) doing stuff you can only really do in the city. But I feel pretty certain that when I get old and gray, I'm going to find me that little house in the woods and just hike and read and ride all of the time.

It also makes me miss Danny more. Driving home last night, all I could think about was what we would have done if it were just the two of us. We would've gone to the beach, had dinner and then wandered in the woods holding hands and talking about the time after, When I'm Done, that time that seems almost unreal because we've been waiting for it for so long. It seems almost unbearable right now because we're so damn close to our forever (I know that sounds cheesy, but I can't help it). As much of an adventure as vet school has been - as much as I've learned and grown as a person - I'm ready to go home. I'm ready for Thanksgiving with my family, for the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas where you're shopping and decorating and anticipating, not studying for finals before a huge drive home. I'm ready to get a house, have a garden, cook dinner every night and see Danny every day.

Even with all of the missing of home, the anticipation for the future...I'm trying to live in the moment up here. I still have to get through fourth year and all of the learning, ups and downs that comes with it. But I'm getting closer ever day.

I'm so close to surviving my first week of anesthesia. I can almost taste Friday evening when I get home and can stay up late reading because anesthesia doesn't require weekends! It's a steady rotation - a few cases each day with the same routine. I think it's been one of the most intense, though, because you're in charge of your patient under anesthesia. They need to be watched constantly and values recorded every five minutes. I get a fluttery panicky feeling when blood pressure goes too low or respiratory rate spikes. Having previous anesthesia experience in general practice has been immeasurably valuable - I'm confident placing catheters, hooking up monitors, giving drugs, restraining, etc. Nevertheless, knowing more has made me more nervous with it all, because I know what those numbers and beeps and squiggly lines actually mean in regards to the patient's life!

The rest of life is mostly background noise at this point. I miss Danny terribly despite being super busy all day, which hasn't been much of an issue before. I mean, I always miss him of course but it seems attacks of loneliness find me more frequently now, and even if I'm busy. I know it's only five more months up here until I can be home for good (and only five weeks until he visits!) but gosh can it be emotionally taxing. One foot in front of the other is all I can manage right about now.

Hurricane Arthur swept through last night. This about sums up my feelings on the matter:

Okay okay, it did get quite windy and a lot of people (including myself) lost power. But that was just an excuse for me to read more junk instead of anesthesia notes for Monday and go to bed at a decent hour. The power was back up this morning and I made a good sized breakfast and have been lounging in my PJs ever since. I think I'll go to the track to watch the ponies go this afternoon (was cancelled last night) instead of reading for anesthesia.

Speaking of my next rotation, I'm really going to miss community practice. On Thursday I spayed a cat and it went really well and on Friday we did a feral cat spay/neuter clinic and I got to spay two and neuter one. These two spays were really difficult: one was lactating and had a cystic ovary and the other was pregnant. Everything went well, it was just a little trickier than the simple one I'd done the day before. And although surgery still isn't my cup of tea, I feel a lot more comfortable with it having gotten to do three spays and a neuter by myself. So that's nice :)

In other news, Danny is coming to visit in a little less than six weeks, yay! I'm starting to think about stuff we can do over the long weekend - it'll be nice to finally see each other when the weather is good for a change (it's always winter in Maine when we meet up and invariably snows at least part of the time). Two more blocks to get through, first!

Give me a day off and look what happens...my blog gets a fresh summer make-over and I post two days in a row!

I guess I'm posting again because all this time off gives me plenty of time to brood. First, I started thinking about my personal statement or essay thing for my residency application. There's so much I want to say and so many different paths to take and I feel overwhelmed already, like it will be kind of flat and generic. And I don't want anything I ever right to be flat or generic but I'm afraid to break the mold and be too flippant or personal or story-teller-ish. Too much time off to brood, it seems...

Then I treated myself to a Real Book instead of the free crap that breeds in the dark recesses of iTunes. I bought The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green and I hated myself while I was doing it. Because deep down (okay, not deep at all) I really hate popular books. It makes me so mad that everyone flocks to certain books/series/whatever (that inevitably get made into a movie or are only known about because a movie was made of it) instead of wanting to read enough that they find their own books. I fully admit that I'm a reader. I could lie in bed or sit on the couch or on the patio or wherever quiet and read all day and/or well into the night. And I've done that many times. I consume books like people consume TV/social media. So when everyone crowds around a book/series and fawns over it and dissects it to death (Game of Thrones, Twilight, etc etc) I want nothing to do with that book or that series. Because I love feeling like, when I'm reading a book or have read a book, the story is mine (not like, about me, but my possession). That's why I don't tell people my favorite book (which is part of my favorite series of books), even though it's not some obscure thing; because the story and the characters and the feels are special to me.

Anyway, the funny thing about The Fault in Our Stars was that the main character feels the same way about her favorite book: she guards it and doesn't want to share it with anyone else. And then they included my favorite poem ever (The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams). So of course I felt a connection to this character (who is now embodied by an actress and a real voice and all that jazz) and this book and although I didn't find the book to be this amazing, earth-shattering read, I did like it. Only now I feel as though I need to go read something obscure.

I really shouldn't be allowed to have enough free time for this stuff to percolate...

Turns out that my last post was my 200th post on this blog - woo! I'm glad I've been able to stick with it throughout vet school...I imagine one day I'll want to look back at my old posts and chuckle at my perceptions of the future. It's cute enough to look back at my pre-vet self trying so hard...imagine how I'll feel looking back at these posts about rotations, residency, etc. Life never goes according to plan, but I can hope it at least goes in the general desired direction.

Community practice is coming to a close this week. We have a day off tomorrow for Canada Day (the equivalent of the Fourth of July) and Friday will be a "Cat Action" day where we spay and neuter a bunch of cats that are either feral or owned by people who don't have the resources to get their pets spayed or neutered through the school "normally". So really, it's two days left of the rotation, one of which will be consumed (for me) by a "normal" cat spay.

I don't know if I've said this (I probably have, more than once...) but I really don't like surgery. I don't mind anesthetizing animals and I don't mind the sight of blood, guts, tissue, etc. I just don't like doing something so flipping important (removing internal tissue, causing bleeding) when I have very little experience with it. I like to see what I'm doing, have someone more knowledgeable confirm that I'm doing it right, and then do that thing very, very carefully. Keeping the incision small and reducing handling of the tissues is important for the animal, which means breaking tissue (the suspensory ligament, in a spay) that you can't actually see very well. Yikes. And when one of the biggest goals of surgery (aside from you know, removing the important parts) is to get in and out as quickly as safely possible...well, that doesn't jive with my approach to new skills. I like to go slowly and ask, "Is this right? Are you sure?!" at least forty-seven times. I'm sure my clinicians are going to be driven to the brink with my need for confirmation and assurance. I've promised myself I will try so very hard to be confident (and part of that will be a ton of preparation, reading, etc) but I'm freaking out about it on the inside. And I will continue to freak out about it until I either do a bunch all at once and finally feel confident in my ability...or I'll just always freak out about surgery ;)

At times like these, I repeat what has become my rotations mantra: fake it 'til you make it. Have I ever done an abdominocentesis in a cow? Hells no. But I will pretend as though I'm not mentally freaking and I will do it. What about a cystocentesis in a cat? Haven't done that either, but here's my cool-as-a-cucumber mask that I shall wear to perform this procedure. Can you run these QATs for me for this unstable emergency patient? OhmygodIneverlearnedthisPANICNOW says my brain, but outwardly I smile and nod and figure it out. And I've found that clinicians have yet to ask me to do something I can't figure out; it's all in my brain and it just takes pushing myself to get it done. I've surprised myself plenty of times and it's only been five weeks!

Well, I can finally say I've completed my first rotation! Manged to get crypto at the end of it (which is the most miserable I've been since I had the flu for a week last semester) and I have barely gotten out of bed since when I left early Friday and have eaten almost a whole section of honeydew from a grocery store fruit tray since Thursday at lunch. But my patient from last Friday who was facing a pretty poor prognosis is looking amazing and I couldn't be happier about that :)

So now I've had a shower, filled up my water bottle with warm water to make my stomach pain subside and crawled into bed for my nap. The windows are open, it's raining outside and I feel cozy. I've looked at what I need for my next rotation tomorrow (community practice) and I'm appalled that I have to wear a real bra instead of a sports bra and real pants instead of shorts under my coveralls and real shoes instead of rubber boots. Such is life, though.

Fourth year is tough. Starting on a medicine rotation has been demanding but manageable. After a while though (okay, it's been two weeks...) the long hours catch up to you. I'm a delicate flower when it comes to sleep anyway, so staying at the large animal hospital until 11pm isn't exactly my idea of a restful evening. Last weekend I was fortunate enough to have a bum weekend where I could sleep in, be worthless, etc. This weekend has been the opposite: at school until nearly midnight on Friday night, at school for half the day today, rounds tomorrow morning so no sleeping in and working the evening shift until 11pm. And then it's Monday. Suffice to say I feel a bit cheated right about now.

Anyway, as I suspected it's tough to write a decent blog post about life when you're essentially bubble wrapped in patient confidentiality. I'm learning a lot, though: how to think like a real doctor, how to use doctor words, how to communicate, how to do a ton of different technical procedures, how to manage on little sleep and smelling like cow...I'll sure be happy when my less intense rotations come around.

One week of rotations down and as expected it's been pretty busy. I'm on large animal medicine and it's been quite the learning experience - some clinical skills, some communication skills, plenty of humbling moments. The clinicians and my rotation-mates are all awesome people and I've been enjoying myself.

On the down side, Danny and I are apart again :( We're looking at Labor Day weekend for our next visit but we may be able to squeak in some time together in mid-August (fingers crossed!) Fortunately rotations have been keeping me pretty darn busy so hopefully that time will pass quickly.

Since rotations have been so hectic, I haven't had time to unpack at all and my new apartment is a bit askew. The plan is to get it in order this weekend but so far I've just managed to watch TV and peruse the internet in my pajamas....oops.

The week before I go back to school always goes by so quickly. I know I've said it a million times, but I really can't wait to be done with the traveling phase of my life. Plenty of people consider it a great adventure to travel and tell me how envious they are that I live this "international life" but I've always been more of a homebody sort. I take a lot of joy in the little mundane things of everyday life that I've missed out on over the last three years, especially with Danny. The level of happiness I will attain when we finally (finally) get our own place is almost unfathomable to me right now. The day when I no longer have the next moving deadline ahead of me, or when my friends and family don't have to ask "when do you go back?" will be a happy one indeed.

I've mentioned how there are so many things I want to do after I graduate (aside from the whole residency/career thing, heh); yesterday I got to do one of those things! Danny and I volunteered through his work to help out with the DC area Summer Special Olympics. The company he works for is a big sponsor of the event and provide many of the ridiculous number of volunteers. So yesterday we worked together as "delegation support" and helped the athletes from one particular school get to their events on time. The kids were awesome and the coaches were nice and really appreciative of our help. We had a great time being involved and even though Danny has helped out there before, I think he enjoyed himself even more because he got to be more involved than he has in years past. All in all a really rewarding experience. I can't wait to do more volunteer stuff :)

Anyway, I have more stuff I need to go through and pack. Unfortunately the weather is looking like rain on our way up on Friday/Saturday and I'm bringing a mattress and box-spring in the (open) bed of my truck, ugh. So logistics need to be happening too, but right now I'm just concerned with picking out what I need to bring and trying to get it together. Just a couple more days...

Danny and I celebrated our first anniversary this weekend by having a bit of a "staycation" in Arlington, VA. We stayed at a nice hotel overlooking the Pentagon and Jefferson Memorial and took the Metro in to dinner at a steak place. Danny's best friend knew where we were going and paid for our dinner without us knowing, which was so sweet :) We had a couple of drinks out on the hotel bar's terrace and just talked for a while.

On Sunday we packed up/checked out and went to Arlington National Cemetery which I have always wanted to visit but never have despite living 30mins away my entire life. So we spent the afternoon wandering around, seeing JFK's family plot, Arlington House where part of George Washington's family lived and where Robert E. Lee and his wife spent some time and the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (including changing of the guard). It could not have been a more perfect day weather-wise and I love to meander through cemeteries of any sort (they're so peaceful to me). So all in all it was a great weekend.

The sad part is that I leave for fourth year rotations bright and early Friday morning. Danny is driving me up (because I have more stuff than usual due to my new place not being furnished and I need his help to move my bed in) but leaving Monday afternoon :( While I only have six months left of school up north, I have a feeling is going to be extra-tough because I'll be a lot busier and there will be less time that we can squeeze a visit in. No use crying over spilled milk (or milk that is destined to be spilled?) but it still makes me sad. I know I'll be beyond happy to come home for good though, so there's that.

Almost as bad as having to say goodbye to Danny again is the packing/moving. I don't even know how many times I've moved since I left for college back in 2006 but it's been that many times too many. I'm in the process of digging through my old, boxed up stuff now to see what I can bring up north but I want to bring the bare minimum to minimize what I have to turn around and bring back. Ugh. The week will go by quickly, that's for sure.

Okay, so I posted yesterday about considering a new direction for my blog now that patient confidentiality, client privacy, public scrutiny and all that kind of fun thing is a bigger part of my life now. But where to start?

I find so many things out there in the world to be fascinating that I don't think my blog could ever be a one pony show. There are so many wonderful blogs floating around the vast space of the interwebz devoted to a particular topic - cooking, health/fitness, schooling of various ilks, DIYing, parenting, etc - and they're really useful for when you want a step-by-step tutorial on how to bake perfect raw quinoa pies or how to build your very own rain barrel or whatever. The photography is always flawless, the people are always these superstar women (from what I've noticed, anyway; must have to do with our love of babbling) and I always get insanely jealous of their beautifully honed talent, no matter what it is.

If you hadn't guessed from the off-topic rambles I sneak it from time to time, I have an idealist streak. I fall in love with certain ideas and ways of living and I want to be those people from the blogs who have this amazing ability to do whatever it is that they do (the astoundingly photogenic nature of their everyday lives is another perhaps more superficial want of mine, but I digress). I have a handful of broad ideas that I want to incorporate into my life that all very loosely fit into the concept of "modern homesteading." Which means I want to have a compost bin and raise chickens and make my own furniture and learn how to quilt and plant gardens full of herbs and vegetables to make amazingfood from and also be a badass home-maker/wife/mother that is still an independent woman. (See? What part of my brain does this stuff even come from!?)

And really, everything that I want to do with my life (this homesteading business and writing again and volunteering and running and photography and whatever the hell else comes my way that I take a fancy to) just has to...wait. Because vet school isn't over yet. And as much as I'll be glad to graduate and be a vet and stuff, I do worry that I won't ever make the time to do all of this pie-in-the-sky stuff that I so badly want. I don't want to be a suburban mom that drives a mini-van and works all day and comes home and repeats the cycle ad nauseum until I'm 60 and then wake up one morning and say to myself, "Well shit. I never did learn how to make jam out of those weeds that grow in the backyard." or whatever else it is that I could learn how to do.

And so (good gracious I'm rambling), I don't know what will become of this blog. I hope I can write about my life outside of vet med and show people like myself in twenty years that you can be a vet and a real person, too and realize your dreams outside of vet med. Because what the hell good is it to have one dream in life that you accomplish when you're 25 or whatever and then you're done? I'm not going to become complacent and you shouldn't either.

I came here all excited to talk about my day shadowing at a nearby institution. Over the last few weeks, though, I've realized that the further along I get on my career path and the more involved I become in the work, the people, etc...the less I should be writing about these things. I suppose if I had chosen a more traditional veterinary route it wouldn't be such a big deal to talk non-specifically about cases I'd seen. With the nature of lab animal being the way it is though (the public eye especially), it's not really appropriate for me to talk about where I'm going, what I'm doing, with whom...even though it excites me to no end. (A blog topic for another time might be where I go with this blog, as I won't really be able to update it like I have been in school. Maybe more about my "real" life outside vet med? Who knows.)

So suffice to say I had a really cool day at this place and learned a lot. One of the things I learned is that I really do want to do the clinical side of things and less-so the research part. To get board certified for lab animal medicine you need a primary authorship, so it's definitely something I'll have to participate in. And of course I'll be part of it with IACUC and the like as a vet. But my previous mumblings on maybe getting a PhD while I'm there? Not so much on my radar anymore. I think research is vital and awesome and I really admire those who do it on a daily basis for like, their whole careers. But I want be the person applying the findings to the clinical setting, or to the regulatory aspect of lab animals.

My break is winding down and there still seems like so much to do. The biggest thing is to sort through all of my stuff and figure out what I'll bring up with me and what I'll leave behind. For only six months in the apartment I want to be darn sure that every thing I bring up is absolutely necessary; it'll be a spartan lifestyle for me but that's okay.

Definitely looking forward to this weekend as well: Danny and I will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary :)

Vacation continues along much the same.

On the visiting front: On Thursday, I visited my old place of employment and the coworkers who are like family to me. My supervisor has been back full-time since about February (after her crazy hospital stay) and her spirits are so much better! They're awaiting their AAALAC accreditation visit (which I helped with!) later this summer and are looking forward to a new facility (to start construction in about a year's time)! The current building will be demolished, which is sad, but the facilities they'll move into will be AWESOME and as they're expecting about a three year construction period, it's a secret hope of mind that they'll be looking for another veterinarian. That would be my dream job :)

On Friday, I had a girly day with my sister. We got our eyebrows done and pedicures, caught up on each other's lives over Cheesecake Factory lunch and shopped for new clothes for my rotations. I'm not the stereotypical shopping woman, so it took a lot out of me to even get the few things that I did! I also got to visit with my dog-niece (Trudy the Boston Terrier) before heading back home.

This weekend was a busy one, too. Danny and I headed out to where he lives when I'm not around so that he could cut their grass (they're out of town); I read one of the four books I picked up at the library earlier in the week (Margaret Atwood's Alias Grace, which is of course wonderful, as it was written by MA). I thought of all the people I know that say they just don't have time to read for pleasure during the school year (to which I always mentally reply, "I make time!" because really, I can't not read for pleasure. Pretty sure I am always reading something.) and hoped they were finding more time to read because it is so very wonderful. I also picked up Dan Brown's Inferno which I started this morning, a new Barbara Kingsolver book (The Poisonwood Bible and a couple others having made a good impression of her to me) and another new thing by someone I don't know (I rarely read for the author, despite having chosen the previous three by their authors alone...hm). I'm not sure I'll be able to finish them all in the two weeks I have left, but I'm certainly trying as the weather is perfect sit-outside-and-read weather.

(Not sure how this got derailed into an "I love books!" post. All we need now is a lab animal segue...)


Saturday night was filled with more friend visiting, as tends to happen on my breaks.

Sunday was a beautiful day for Mother's Day - sunny and warm and spring-like - and we went out to a late lunch at a new place in Frederick (Firestone's) for some excellent food and a beautiful second-storey corner table with a view of the bustling street below. Downtown Frederick is really dog-friendly so we saw tons of beasts out enjoying the nice weather. Danny (with a bit of help from me) had made a new dish for my mom's birdbath (the other had split in half completely unexpectedly earlier in the week) using cement and some plant trays for a mold and damn if it didn't turn out well! I think the feeder locals are still a bit suspicious but a lady sparrow or two have christened it already so hopefully the rest of the neighborhood will soon catch on.

Lots of babbling on my part, per usual. I'm looking forward to starting back at school just so I can get into it and be done, but I'm trying to enjoy the last true time off I'll be having for a good long while.

Today is the first official day of fourth year! Most of my classmates have updated Facebook with some sort of status update, but seeing as my first block is a vacation, I'd feel a little silly doing the same. Still, it's amazing to think that in three weeks time, I will kick off my own fourth year properly with large animal medicine.

So far vacation has gone nicely. Typically when I get home, I make myself a general to-do list so I don't forget any of the myriad of things I need to get done while back in the States. Laundry is always first followed by visiting with friends and coworkers, having a girly day with my sister (the only girly days I ever have), a lot of reading and of course spending time with Danny. This past weekend he took me to the PG county gun range where they have skeet, trap and a sporting clays course. Being short always seems to rear its ugly head some way, so of course the shotgun I used was too big for me. The result was that I wasn't able to keep the butt of the gun in the crook of my shoulder where it's supposed to go and the impact from the recoil (for 84 clay pigeons) left me looking a tad beat up. Fortunately I'm pretty ambidextrous (I actually shoot left handed although I write right handed) so I was able to switch sides and lessen the impact on just one arm. Symmetry for the win! (Also, crazy eyes?)

The weather here has been absolutely delightful (like actually perfect) while it snowed again in Canada. I've had Chipotle twice and will be making burritos tonight in celebration of Cinco de Mayo (and also because I attempt to eat as much Mexican food as possible when home...) Life is good.

Amazing how just ten days ago I was super sick, stressed and strung out. Ten days go by and I am home, healthy and happy (and alliterative).

Ten final exams are now behind me, the last of my veterinary school career. I imagine there will be more (hopefully) when I'm a resident in a concurrent Masters program, and there's still that pesky little licensing exam and (hopefully) a board certification exam in my future but I'm happy to be done with the vast majority of classroom sitting for the rest of my days. From all accounts, fourth year is so much better than any of the other years and I look forward to the change of pace.

I also moved out of my darling little house in the countryside and into a bright little apartment in town. I'm really going to miss being out there - it was peaceful, nice views, great landlords and (my favorite) a skylight in my bathroom. But the way my schedule is, it wasn't going to work out to rent for that last year. So I found a new place that should do the trick for the six months I'll be living there. Then, at the end of November, it's home to the US for good. It seems so far away and a little unreal to think that in only six months I can be home for the rest of ever.

The best thing about being home is getting to see my husband. He is such a trooper and I know it isn't easy for either of us having the other so far away for so long. I'm hoping to get to do a lot of fun stuff while I'm home on this little mini-vacation and also some special stuff for our first anniversary (including eating our wedding cake that has inhabited my parents' freezer for a year...heh). After all that, it's back up to Canada for rotations. I still can't quite believe it!

A nasty flu thing has been with me for the last three days and counting and it's really tough to concentrate on studying when I alternately just want to spend all day in bed asleep or staring out the window or I want to go for a walk in the gorgeous sunshine. One week left until vacation; here's the break down:

Tuesday: renal + oncology + miscellaneous (Don't ask me who grouped these things together...); ACC meeting
Wednesday: medical exercises final
Thursday: dermatology + endocrinology final; fourth year clinics orientation
Saturday: toxicology final
Monday: topics in advanced equine medicine final; leave for home.

Somewhere in there I need to meet my new landlord for a key to my new place, move some stuff over there so I don't have to schlep it home, pack all of my stuff, clean everything in my current place, take my fish to his fish-sitter and tie up any remaining loose ends before I hit the road for home.

Ack.

So I know I've already posted today but something "came across my desk" (read: I got an email) about supporting Air France who is pretty much the only airline left that will continue to ship non-human primates for biomedical research purposes and if you read this blog you know that there is no way I can resist posting about lab animal medicine, especially if I get all fired up. And I'm fired up.

The reason other airlines won't ship non-human primates is (according to the National Association of Biomedical Research) that animal rights groups have pressured these airlines not to ship these animals.

Um, what? Who says it's okay for any group to dictate an otherwise legal action made by an independent company? Complain about it, sure; the first amendment lets people do much crazier things than just complain about animal research. But to hound these companies just trying to do business and to interfere with the legal, ethical transport of animals for use in research thereby interfering with that research is just...it blows my mind.

Look, I don't want to see any wild animals (non-human primates included) taken from their natural habitat and used for research. I agree that NHP use in research is a tough thing to defend because I'm sure we don't do enough to recreate a naturalistic habitat for them or provide enough enrichment for their incredibly complex behaviors. I wouldn't mind seeing NHP phased out of research entirely, to be quite honest, but I still see the value and need for their continued use at this time. The government agrees and I'm sure the people and animals receiving life-saving treatments developed with NHP agree too.

But the fact of the matter to me is, why are you badgering the airlines about transporting the NHP? Don't you think your time, as an animal rights activist, would be better spent improving your understanding of reserach environments, looking for ways to improve them that don't involve freeing every last mouse and hounding the government to enact changes that would benefit the animals while still allowing research to help humans and other animals? What about hiring scientists to develop more accurate methods of animal replacement models? Because even being as in love with lab animals as I am, I can recognize there are places to improve and I would welcome a decrease in the use of lab animals. But I cannot respect anyone that harasses an airline for transporting animals that are important for continued efforts on behalf of like, the earth, and don't actually take any action to address the root of the problem.

I know that was more of a rant than an eloquent soliloquy but I get so frustrated just thinking about this. Hrmph.

I feel as though it was just yesterday I last posted and not nearly a week ago. But finals have begun in earnest and being the last-minute crammer that I am, I've had my nose to the grindstone.

So many of my classmates are posting on Facebook about this being their last final exam period ever but I just can't get into that mindset. I wonder if it's because I'm hoping to do a residency afterward - which require you to do a concurrent Masters degree or even a PhD (which I've been considering more lately...I think I may have finally lost my mind) - instead of a "normal job" that isn't geared toward taking another mammoth exam (hello, board certification!) but I just don't feel the excitement to the level that I perceive my peers to be experiencing. Don't get me wrong, when I think about not having to sit in a classroom all day and cram for tests like this ever again, I feel happy; but I think my true jubilance will be reserved for when I get to go home with my DVM in hand.

Aside from finals (I have ten of them...blech), I've also been dealing with finding a place to live for fourth year. My current place is a cottage that gets rented to tourists over the summer months, which has been great because I don't have to find a sub-letter or pay rent year-round. However, I will be up here over the summer months this year and I needed to find a place to stay that would allow me to rent month to month. I looked at three places and settled quickly on the last place, a little apartment with two huge bay windows down near the water. I'm really going to miss my quiet country house, but driving only four miles round trip to school every day is going to be a dream compared to the normal 24.

So my next two weeks will consist of cramming for final exams, packing and impatiently awaiting April 28th when I head for home. I'll be there for a month - seems like a long time but I have so many people to see and little things to accomplish that I know it'll go by much too fast. But when I come back at the end of May, it's only six months until I'm home for good! Talk about jubilance :)

I think (I hope) that spring has finally sprung on the little island. Yesterday was a warm (well, about 40F) sunny day and today it's actually raining instead of snowing! Just the last two days of above freezing temperatures have helped melt some snow and even though that means a lot of puddles and flooding, I'm happy to say goodbye to the snow and the cold.

According to my countdown app, I have nineteen days left until I go home for my short vacation. Because I don't have classes on Thursdays with radiology being over and because we have Good Friday and the Monday after Easter off, I have only five days left of classes! A lot of my friends are getting antsy and nervous but I feel kind of...normal? I guess it's because I have the first block off but I'm not too stressed about starting clinics just yet. That, or my brain is trying to pretend it doesn't know that I'm going to be shouldering a heck of a lot more responsibility in a little over a month.

What I'm getting impatient for is going home! They've been having beautiful weather and I'm already planning some fun things to do - hiking some of the extensive trails at state parks, visiting Arlington National Cemetary (and other historical stuff I've never done despite living right outside DC all of my life...whoops), catching up with my family and my sister, celebrating my first anniversary, going skeet shooting and just having the time to take a little breather before I launch into the beginning of the end of vet school. I can't wait to actually have nice weather, get outside and soak in some vitamin D! (Speaking of health stuff, I started a 30 day ab challenge and a 30 squat challenge. I think I'm going to regret these decisions quite quickly, heh.)

Now I just need to get through those final exams.

When I started Blog Topic of the Week, it was to encourage other bloggers to post regularly (because that gets people reading, I think; who wants to read or follow a blog that was last updated five months ago?) and to get a sense of community going among the pre-vet/vet students over at SDN. As much as it drives me crazy to only ever be surrounded by people in the vet community, I know how important it is that we all stick together. After all, we're the ones who really "get it" when it comes to the tough issues facing our profession and our persons.

But truth be told, I also wanted a way to provide guidance for blogs. I know I feel a sense of obligation to update regularly but sometimes I log on to post and all I can think to write about is school, stress and my impatience to be done with this whole thing. I know a lot of bloggers don't update regularly because they don't have something to write about. So the BTOW thing was a nice way to tie all of that together.

Every once in a while though, something happens in every day life that provides me a good blog topic aside from BTOW. Today's topic is social media and online presence.

Seems that throughout vet school, the pervading attitude from students is that they are perfectly within their rights to post whatever the heck they want on Facebook because they're adults and their friends think pictures of animals or procedures are cool and everything is fine. The administration doesn't roll with that line of thinking though; they have a public image of the school to uphold (and some might argue the image of the profession in general) and we're essentially not permitted to post any pictures of anything - teaching animals, patients, tissues/specimens, etc. - on social media. The general public has complained to administration up here about what they've seen from vet students posted on Facebook and the administration has made very clear to us what we can and can't post. (Nevermind the fact that I find posting of these pictures to be attention-grabbing antics and I don't really respect those individuals who choose to post them.)

Anyway, there was a recent rash of surgery pictures from the current junior surgery students on Facebook and we got a pretty strongly worded email from our Academic Affairs boss lady. A number of people were up in arms, feeling that they are adults and don't want to be told what to do. Which I understand, but in this instance (and in instances across the veterinary schools), it is bigger than you. It's about showing the general public - your future clients! - that you are an exceedingly professional individual who respects the animals and people they interact with. The majority of people wouldn't have batted an eye at the surgery pictures, but all it takes is one unhappy person and you've shot yourself in the foot.

The profession of veterinary medicine is in a rough patch right now, assaulted from all angles. The public are pissed about how much it costs to treat a pet (that's another post entirely...), they don't understand the role of veterinarians outside of fixing your family dog and they are getting mean about it on the internet. The only way to uphold the profession on that side is to be as stringent as possible with social media etiquette, whether it be Facebook, blogs, forums, whatever. There is no room for error and I think many students who post a bunch of stuff on social media don't actually grasp the gravity of the situation, in part because they haven't been out in practice and dealt with people judging them directly.

Life isn't fair, and I wish there were more room for error. But the fact is, students should keep the vast majority of details of their veterinary school career off Facebook. If they want to share what they did with friends or family, I think that's totally acceptable! But I think it should be done over the phone or in person, not available for potentially anyone to see.

On a similar note, I have strongly considered deactivating my Facebook after graduation. On the one hand, Facebook allows me to keep up with my friends all over the place; after school, a chunk of friends will be in Canada where a visit isn't exactly feasible. But especially with my path in lab animal medicine, I just don't think the risks (and honestly, the frustration I get from seeing so many anti-lab animal posts) are worth it in the end. I've thought about LinkedIn though, and will be scoping that out an an alternative.

Winter continues to drag on, coldly oblivious to our cries for spring. Tomorrow is the first of April and still a solid layer of snow remains on the ground, the temperatures hover around freezing and the precipitation continues its relentless onslaught. We're due for another five to eight inches of snow tonight, paired with a nice side of freezing rain that is sure to create the most beautiful of sparkling winter landscapes to awaken to tomorrow.

I feel my composure slipping away the longer the dreary season goes. There isn't so much as a ray of sunshine to give us hope on the island and at this point, I'm pretty damn sure I'll spend half the summer watching it all melt. All I can say is I am damn glad I don't have to be here for another winter!

In the event of another snow day tomorrow, there is plenty I need to do and plenty I probably won't even bother accomplishing. I've stocked up on books to read and there's always something on TV...just a matter of getting through the day and hoping you get to see other human life the next day at school. Only four weeks left until I go home for my mini-vacation and I cannot wait!

This week's blog topic is: what is your "puppy breath"? Sounds a little strange, but a visiting professor once told us to always remember puppy breath, or what it is that keeps us going through the gauntlet that is vet school.

I remember sitting on my bed in my apartment as a fifth year senior in undergrad one summer afternoon, cranking out organic chemistry problems. Because I'd bombed organic chemistry the first go round, I ended up having to take it over the summer semester to be on track to graduate and, you know, apply to vet school. I was feeling discouraged after copying the same problem for the upteenth time, trying desperately to get the material through my head enough to do well in the class. Over the past few months, I was pouring myself into my schoolwork, knowing that if I didn't turn myself around academically I probably never would. I was looking for motivation that was more tangible than just wanting to be a vet.

So I looked my little mutt dog Ella in the eye and I promised her that she was going to go to vet school with me.

It's a childish thing, making a promise to an animal like that but I'd bet my hat that many of us animal people have done it without batting an eye. Suddenly you are no longer only accountable to yourself and your own brain that will let you slack off if you sweet talk it. Just knowing that I had made that promise was enough to keep my nose to the grindstone to get in to vet school.

And I thought that was the hard part! Cue long hours in the classroom, breathing formaldehyde all week, late nights cramming and memorizing to the point of (what I had thought was) maximum capacity. Cue loneliness and stress and depression and missing home so badly that it hurt. I had promised Ella to get her there but I hadn't promised to make it through. But I'm a stubborn thing in the end. I thought of all the people who had encouraged me and supported me and loved me and I couldn't cave in. I gritted my teeth and ground it out and finally I'm at the sunset of my classroom days.

Sometimes I think I don't have a "puppy breath". Sometimes I wonder why the hell I'm even doing this and the answer is not (has never been) to treat diseases and save lives or any of that stuff. I get a thrill when I get to do lab animal stuff; I really, really love it and everytime I do lab animal stuff I know without a doubt that it's what I was "meant to do" as a veterinarian. I will be so happy as a lab animal veterinarian. But is it the reason I put myself through the ringer for all this time? I don't know. I just know that I told my dog I would get her here and when I got here, I was too stubborn, proud and grateful to let anyone down, including myself.

It has finally stopped snowing, the winds have quieted down a bit and I am still toasty warm. I think I can confidently say I have survived the blizzard! As of 5:00am, Charlottetown had reported 53cm of snow - that's over 20 inches in a little less than 24 hours. There is an enormous drift in front of my porch steps but because of the wind, the driveway is relatively clear. It's going to be a hell of an effort to get myself dug out for school tomorrow (good thing we have this second day off so I an be lazy about it...)

Did a bit of residency research yesterday as well as some relaxation and getting more and more excited for my trip home and the start of clinical rotations. I have a decent amount of stuff to do when I get home (visiting friends, spending time with family, banking, doctor's appointments, etc.) so I know it'll probably fly by but after that, the next time I come home will be for good :)

After all this time of having this blog I've finally figured out the intricacies of the background image! It's shameful how long it's taken me to find the little hideaway part to get more images but I'm happy now. I like changing up my blog template/background either to reflect my mood or the season. This time it's a city because I'm missing the comforts the city has to offer (as evidenced by my previous post).

We're due for another big winter storm on Wednesday...maybe I'll dig up something interesting to write about other than the drivel of my every day life.

This week's Blog Topic of the Week coincides nicely with what I would be writing about anyway: What do you like to do outside of school?

Our last exam before finals was on Wednesday and now it's just a matter of counting down the time until April 28th (our last final exam). Four weeks of class, another week and change of finals...it's getting so close! Yesterday I dropped my Block A rotation so that I can go home for a few weeks and recharge (and celebrate my anniversary with my husband) before rotations begin at the end of May. When the end of the year rolls around, I get so fidgety and antsy and now even moreso because I know it'll be the end of classes forever (unless I lose my mind and go for a Masters...) and I just want to be home with all of the people I love for just a little bit.

The unfortunate thing is that while everyone back home is languishing in 60 degree weather, I'm up here just above freezing (which feels delightful, actually) with snow threats in the forecast. Yesterday was a nice day - almost up to 40! - but windy so it wasn't quite the spring day we all like to envision. A decent amount of snow on my driveway melted but there is still plenty of it on the ground with no intention of going anywhere anytime soon. The tough part about that is that the trails/sidewalks/parks that I like to visit are all snow and mud logged. In my free time I love to get outside and hike/walk/explore but it's really difficult with the weather and conditions up here from November easily into April and often later. And I obviously can't get back to running with that all over the ground.

I also love to read - I can devour books. People always ask how I can read for pleasure when I do so much reading for school all the time, but just like being out in nature, it takes my mind somewhere else and doesn't at all feel like the chore that reading notes is.

Going out and hitting up local spots is another enjoyment of mine - historic sites, activites like mini golf of ice skaing, browsing shops at little nearby towns, etc. I'm used to having DC and all of the stuff that it entails just a quick drive or Metro trip away. Charlottetown doesn't offer near the level of stuff to do and as a result, I've been bored out of my mind this week. Ugh. I guess I'll just keep counting down the days.