I could start this post out with my normal pleasantries about what I've done in the (relatively) long time since I last posted, but honestly, I have something to talk about today - two somethings, really, but one of them will be saved for the debut of my August mini-resolution.

Last Friday, my boss volunteered me to demonstrate the use of a captive bolt to another veterinarian, the farm manager, the PI of a study and various technicians. A captive bolt is a tool used to stun and/or kill an animal (almost always livestock). There are two forms of captive bolt: penetrating, in which a steel rod penetrates the skull, and non-penetrating in which a concussive blow is delivered by a blunt-ended rod. Even when a penetrating gun is used, a secondary method of death is delivered, such as ex-sanguination (cutting the throat) or pithing (using a rod to break up brain tissue). The advantage of using a captive bolt instead of the more common injectable barbituate overdose is that it is a very rapid means of euthanizing an animal (really important in a mass casualty event like a fire or trailer accident) and it allows for euthanization of an animal that may be otherwise dangerous to approach or handle (like a large animal that is down or particularly aggressive).

It was not my first time euthanizing an animal - I have euthanized a mouse using carbon dioxide asphyxiation - but it was my first time euthanizing something "more" than a mouse, with observers present and in a teaching environment - teaching those with a heckuva lot more experience than me, too! Because the animal was not first sedated, the residual neuronal activity (which leads to varying intensity twitching and spasms) was strong and I think it freaked a lot of people out. I was told afterward that I handled it all really well, which made me proud, but I still felt weird about it all. People have asked me if it bothered me and in all honesty: no, euthanizing an animal, while sad, was not upsetting to me. It was the fact that others were upset about it that made me feel sad. I think all veterinarians strive to make euthanasias as smooth and stress-free (for both animal and people!) as possible. Not that I think I totally failed that - the animal was gone instantly - but if I could go back, I would have sedated the animal first (as it was just a demonstration) to reduce the movement to ease the people's minds.

As a vet student, something I hear a lot is, "I always wanted to be a vet...but I just couldn't deal with putting an animal down!" Death, we have been trained by society, is a bad, sad thing. I think, through my work, I've become more immune to it than most people, but this is because (I think) I understand it better than most people. Yes, it is a sad time for everyone involved. But frequently, the animal is being euthanized to end its suffering and I would always rather end an animal's life as peacefully and humanely as possible than to let it die on its own because I'm too upset to pull the trigger (literally sometimes as well as figuratively).

In research, though, animals are not always euthanized to end their suffering. Some studies require sacrifice of animals that may be perfectly healthy in order to obtain tissue samples; some studies require that animals be kept alive even when they might otherwise be euthanized. It all depends on the study and the "end points" that it provides. There is always veterinary and IACUC oversight - researchers cannot just decide to prolong an animal's life as long as necessary for their study - but it is not always as cut and dry as a small animal clinic in which the owner makes the decision.

So it's been an introspective time for me since last Friday. I feel like I gained a valuable experience in more ways than one.